and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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