her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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