just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
