Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
