Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
