So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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