We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize