she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
