You really coming over, don't trick.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
