i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
