So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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