dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
