We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
