Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
