I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
