YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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