sarcasm needs its own font
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
