i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
