My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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