She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
