Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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