He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
