For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i think my cat just said my name.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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