Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
