Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
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So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
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But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch