When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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