You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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