u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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