i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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