i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
