Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
