is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
