Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
