if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
