I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
