pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
