Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
