I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
