Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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