just come out here and I will go home with you...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
