Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
