I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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