we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
