i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
