You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
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He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
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it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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