Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
