I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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