is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
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Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
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How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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