How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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