That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
the raccoons are back...
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