I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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