whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
