ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
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