She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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