would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Drake has all the answers
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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