Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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