Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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