I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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