Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
