i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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