You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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