The best revenge is premature balding
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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